Hidden Feelings

I just had to get this off my chest, I suppose… There is kind of a chorus in it, but I’m not sure if I really see it as a song-like poem because of that. I’ve always wanted to write my own songs, but I still need to find me a guitarist or pianist (or a whole band ^^) who can put it to music. I have my voice, but I never learnt to play an instrument ^^

Anyway, let me know what you think of it! Feel free to like, dislike, comment, or criticise! =)


Dark clouds

Floating over my head

Obscuring my mind

Making me despair


Grey skies

Darkening my sight

Feeling so much doubt

It is just not fair


I don’t know what do

I’m so empty deep inside

I just want to run

I just want to hide


Sun light

Faded from my eyes

Rain keeps falling down

It’s too much to bear


Blue skies

Seem so far away

What should I do next?

Do I really care?


I don’t know what to do

I’m so empty deep inside

I just want to run

I just want to hide


The light seems so close

But it’s still out of my reach


16 thoughts on “Hidden Feelings

  1. The “I don’t know what to do . . .” sets up good chorus and break points in the poem/lyric. 4 verses, 2 chorus and a final couplet out. Verse 1 starts, “Dark Clouds . . ..” Verse 2 Grey Skies. Verse 3 Sun Light. Verse 4 Blue Skies. 4 plays on a theme, maybe major sound for the first half of the song, plot sad words against happy music, and a minor sound for the latter, where the happier words meet sadder music. Or not – go conventional. :) Would definitely work as a song. There’s one change I would make to the words to make them more lyrical: consider dropping the -ing endings so the vocalist can enunciate other things. — best, Chagall

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is beautiful, but heartbreaking.
    As for adding music…you can sing it, and then look for someone to accompany you based on what you composed yourself. Personally, I don’t think it needs anything.


  3. Hi Iris,
    Your words are beautifully written, although very sad. They’re also words that many can relate to and I think would be great in a song…I’ve never written a song either and am not sure about the bridge, chorus, etc…but I do think it’s worth a try for you. I, too, used to sing in my h.s. days and sang many solos. At that time, my goal and passion was to sing professionally and I had a lot of encouragement, but chose a different road. It all worked out. Anyway, go for it and I hope your life isn’t in tune with your song…xx


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